Everyone has been pulled into a trendy diet at some time in their lives and ended up feeling like crap instead of losing the pounds. Sound familiar? Feeling a little lighter would be terrific, if not obtained by sitting on the crapper. We should all just forget about eating right and exercising. That is all bull.
Apple Cider Vinegar Diet
Many consider this a trendy diet but, it’s unclear the effects it has on losing weight. This diet is used while eating moderate portions and keeping an eye on nutritional preparation of your food. Those two things alone will help, but you may also follow these steps:
With each meal, take one, two, or three teaspoons of the apple cider vinegar. When you take this with your meals, it is like lubing up your food for easier discharge from your poop chute. You may be better off to just sit on the toilet while eating your meals, saves time and energy. Who doesn’t like the idea of the byproducts of fermented apples, which are the nasty brown spots you find on rotten apples?
Hollywood Diet
This nice trendy diet is like drinking a nice, refreshing bottle of liquid ex-lax. Have a day off from work or no plans for the weekend? The Hollywood Diet recommends it may be a good idea to stay in when starting this diet. This just might be a great cure for a cold. You will be too afraid to cough.
Alli
Now here is a pill for losing weight. This pill will find your digestive system, latch onto the enzymes and block them from breaking the fat down you consume. Picture a frying pan full of grease from frying burgers, and that is what the undigested fat looks like when it travels from your body into the toilet. Great visual, isn't it?
Here are more things to expect:
• Passing gas and anal discharge that may be oily
• Runny bowel movements or diarrhea
• Bowel movements may be more frequent
• You may not make it to the bathroom on time
Sounds great!
Colonix
My colon is already cramping. This diet aid can help with your health issues too. Do you have pimples, gums hurt, any rashes, cramping or can’t poop? As you can see in the above picture, this person was constipated and Colonix helped them push out a “huge rope of mucoid plaque.” Is that person really touching it? I would not tell anyone I pooped out anything like that, let alone touch it, even if it is a model.
Hallelujah Diet
You will need faith to go on this low-calorie, vegan diet. Do you like raw organic foods? Hope so, because that is what it’s made up of. This biblical diet was invented by a reverend who ran his confessional from an outhouse.
Other things recommended are rest and adequate amounts sunshine. What that has to do with it, I have no idea. Maybe with a little faith and a little praying while sitting on the toilet, someone will hear you and offer some much needed extra toilet paper.
Oxy Powder
Another great product for the colon. You may want to invest in some butt plugs. This diet aid covers the lower intestines in a fine powder providing your back door trots with an easy exit. You will then be blessed with a musical ending of magnificent cramping with a high crescendo ending you can only hope for.
South Beach Diet
Proctologists love this diet developed by a cardiologist. The South Beach Diet decreases the intake of carbohydrates and fats that are considered “bad”. In the three easy stages, you can starve yourself, have heart palpitations, get headaches, get light headed, and have massive fluid loss. You can only guess which cavity you will be losing this fluid from and what kind of fluids that will be.
The Master Cleanser
This one contains no food intake; it is all liquid. How bad can that be? The Master Cleanse Diet consists of lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and you drink this concoction for 10 days. My mouth is already watering.
This is one of the more popular diets among the famous and was probably thought up by a poor person searching the pantry for something to eat. You will definitely see a difference in the way your clothes fit. Those jeans you wore in high school will look great if you live that long to get into them, or if you don’t blast them full of what comes from your colon first.
5 diets which didn't quite make the list above, but are equally crappy:
| - the ABC diet - the imfamous Yoplait diet - the Special K diet - the Prasouda diet - last but not least, the 17 Day diet |
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